Patterns of Fairytales.

Ranty ranty Christmas rant.

Urgh urgh urgh urgh. There is so much going on in my head at the moment that I don’t even know what to think about.

Why do I let people walk all over me and use me, and why am I so submissive? Constantly? I’ve been told I’m too nice for my own good. I can’t help it. I’m terrible for letting boys treat me like crap and just dealing with it.

Why do about 90% of the boys I have ever been with/fancied/whatever have ex issues? For fuck’s sake. It’s like I’m a magnet for them. It’s not nice knowing you’re second best.

I feel so inferior all the time (which has a lot to do with the above point), and always wonder why anyone would want me when there are a million other girls who are nicer and prettier and probably more suitable than me. I feel so unappreciated and undervalued and like I’ll never be good enough. This needs to stop. I’m a nice girl. I deserve to be loved.

The only thing I’m happy about with regards to the fact that I have put on weight is that my boobs are bigger. I despise that I know I’m getting chubby and I’m losing my shape but I’m not even doing anything about it.

I’m so lonely and confused. I want someone to just be there for me and look after me and be nice to me but I also don’t know if I’m ready to let someone in again. I’ve kinda let someone in already in some ways and it’s nice, but they don’t even want me. That makes me sad, even though there’s nothing I can do about it. I may just give up on boys altogether. I should accept the fact that I’m going to end up being a spinster and dying alone with my 28 cats.

I hate how the way my ex treated me has affected the way I see things now. I never used to over-think so much or have so many anxieties.

Christ, I’m such a fucking whinge-bag. I need to get a grip.